I’ve been pacing up and down my hallway for two hours now.
Ellie isn’t answering her phone, her mum doesn’t know where she is - nobody knows where she is.
Something is not right.
I pull on my Vans and hoody and make my way outside. I stand under the porch for a few minutes, watching the rain fall heavily to the ground. The air around me was icy cold, making me pull my hoody tighter around me.
“Okay, let’s go.” I said to myself under my breath.
Walking through the streets of Plymouth with my head bowed down, thinking of what could have happened to Ellie. Bad thoughts were going through my mind. I didn’t like it.
Finally I reached Ellie’s house. I knocked on the door to no answer.
For god’s sake. I knew this would happen! Her family must be at the police station.
I lean back on the front door and flick my fringe out of my face with a sigh.
“fuck!” I whispered to myself as I fell backwards. Ellie’s door seemed to be unlocked, so I made my own way into her house.
“Ellie?” I shouted, however knowing very well that she wouldn’t be here.
“Ellieeeeeeeeeeee!” I was getting desperate.
I walked up the stairs to Ellie’s room.
“Ellie…”I began to sob as I sat down on her bed.
I looked around her room, it smelt warm and familiar. We’ve had so many great memories in this room; Sleepovers, parties, girly nights in – we did everything together.
I wiped a tear from my cheek as I spotted a folded piece of paper peering out from under Ellie’s pillow. I unfold it as carefully as I can, as if it were the bible, to find Ellie’s delicate, swirly handwriting across the page. I hold my breath and begin to read.
_Aidan was my life. He was my boyfriend. He was my best friend. He cheered me up when I was sad. He laughed with me, cried with me, and helped me sleep if I had nightmares. We were together 24/7. Now, the chances of me ever seeing him again are close to zero. Everything ended so suddenly; those last few moments that I spent with Aidan outside the plane, I will cherish forever. But I can’t get them back. I won’t be able to relive those moments ever again. No moment will ever be so perfect. I’ll be scared to ever love anybody ever, in fear that they’ll leave me again. In fear that they’ll break my heart again and leave me all alone – like I am now. I’m all alone. I know that there are people here for me; Mum, my sister, my friends – but without Aidan it feels like the whole world is against me.
I do love you all. I really do. This may be good bye; this may be a new beginning. I’m not too sure yet, but whatever decision I make I want you to know that it wasn’t your fault. If you are reading this, I love you and I will never forget you.
I drop the piece of paper in shock on the floor and start sobbing and screaming hysterically.
That’s it. She’s gone. Forever.
I grasp my hand against my mouth to try and reduce to howling but it’s no good. Shaking back and forth like a mad woman I fall onto the fall in a pile of mess.
I feel a hand touch my shoulder and help me sit up. I can’t see that it’s a police officer properly until I blink my tears out a couple of times.
“What’s wrong love?” he asks calmly.
“SHE’S GONE!” I scream and choke on my tears.
He wraps his arms around me and strokes my hair.
“It’s alright love. It’s all going to be okay.” The police officer reassures me.
“ITS NOT GOING TO BE OKAY! SHE’S GONE. SHE’S DEAD!” I screech in his face.
He looks taken aback by my hysteria.
“She’s not dead love…” he starts.
“YES, YES SHE IS. SHE LEFT A SUICIDE NOTE. SHE’S GONE, FOREVER.” I hold my head in my hands and collapse once again on the floor.