I’ve been pacing up and down my hallway for two hours now.
Ellie isn’t answering her phone, her mum doesn’t know where she is - nobody knows where she is.
Something is not right.
I pull on my Vans and hoody and make my way outside. I stand under the porch for a few minutes, watching the rain fall heavily to the ground. The air around me was icy cold, making me pull my hoody tighter around me.
“Okay, let’s go.” I said to myself under my breath.
Walking through the streets of Plymouth with my head bowed down, thinking of what could have happened to Ellie. Bad thoughts were going through my mind. I didn’t like it.
Finally I reached Ellie’s house. I knocked on the door to no answer.
For god’s sake. I knew this would happen! Her family must be at the police station.
I lean back on the front door and flick my fringe out of my face with a sigh.
“fuck!” I whispered to myself as I fell backwards. Ellie’s door seemed to be unlocked, so I made my own way into her house.
“Ellie?” I shouted, however knowing very well that she wouldn’t be here.
“Ellieeeeeeeeeeee!” I was getting desperate.
I walked up the stairs to Ellie’s room.
“Ellie…”I began to sob as I sat down on her bed.
I looked around her room, it smelt warm and familiar. We’ve had so many great memories in this room; Sleepovers, parties, girly nights in – we did everything together.
I wiped a tear from my cheek as I spotted a folded piece of paper peering out from under Ellie’s pillow. I unfold it as carefully as I can, as if it were the bible, to find Ellie’s delicate, swirly handwriting across the page. I hold my breath and begin to read.
_Aidan was my life. He was my boyfriend. He was my best friend. He cheered me up when I was sad. He laughed with me, cried with me, and helped me sleep if I had nightmares. We were together 24/7. Now, the chances of me ever seeing him again are close to zero. Everything ended so suddenly; those last few moments that I spent with Aidan outside the plane, I will cherish forever. But I can’t get them back. I won’t be able to relive those moments ever again. No moment will ever be so perfect. I’ll be scared to ever love anybody ever, in fear that they’ll leave me again. In fear that they’ll break my heart again and leave me all alone – like I am now. I’m all alone. I know that there are people here for me; Mum, my sister, my friends – but without Aidan it feels like the whole world is against me.
I do love you all. I really do. This may be good bye; this may be a new beginning. I’m not too sure yet, but whatever decision I make I want you to know that it wasn’t your fault. If you are reading this, I love you and I will never forget you.
I drop the piece of paper in shock on the floor and start sobbing and screaming hysterically.
That’s it. She’s gone. Forever.
I grasp my hand against my mouth to try and reduce to howling but it’s no good. Shaking back and forth like a mad woman I fall onto the fall in a pile of mess.
I feel a hand touch my shoulder and help me sit up. I can’t see that it’s a police officer properly until I blink my tears out a couple of times.
“What’s wrong love?” he asks calmly.
“SHE’S GONE!” I scream and choke on my tears.
He wraps his arms around me and strokes my hair.
“It’s alright love. It’s all going to be okay.” The police officer reassures me.
“ITS NOT GOING TO BE OKAY! SHE’S GONE. SHE’S DEAD!” I screech in his face.
He looks taken aback by my hysteria.
“She’s not dead love…” he starts.
“YES, YES SHE IS. SHE LEFT A SUICIDE NOTE. SHE’S GONE, FOREVER.” I hold my head in my hands and collapse once again on the floor.
I’m not sure what so say. There are no words to express my feelings right now. None at all. I feel as though I can’t go on without Aidan. I don’t know who is reading this right now, but you probably think I’m a hormonal teenage drama queen. I’m not. Well I may well be, but I’m 100% sure about this.
Aidan was my life. He was my boyfriend. He was my best friend. He cheered me up when I was sad. He laughed with me, cried with me, and helped me sleep if I had nightmares. We were together 24/7. Now, the chances of me ever seeing him again are close to zero. Everything ended so suddenly; those last few moments that I spent with Aidan outside the plane, I will cherish forever. But I can’t get them back. I won’t be able to relive those moments ever again. No moment will ever be so perfect. I’ll be scared to ever love anybody ever, in fear that they’ll leave me again. In fear that they’ll break my heart again and leave me all alone – like I am now. I’m all alone. I know that there are people here for me; Mum, my sister, my friends – but without Aidan it feels like the whole world is against me.
I do love you all. I really do.
This may be good bye; this may be a new beginning.
I’m not too sure yet, but whatever decision I make I want you to know that it wasn’t your fault. If you are reading this, I love you and I will never forget you.
Basically, I was not planning on writing this fanfic for very long - but it seems i have been writing it for months now! Its incredible how many readers i have! I’m really glad that you all enjoy it!
I was planning on stopping this fanfic at Part 1 (when Ellie wakes up from the coma), but i decided to carry on. Now, I was planning to definitely stop writing the fanfic all together at Chapter 53 (Where Aidan leaves for America) but when i posted on Facebook and Twitter that i was stopping i had an over whelming response! So many people told me to not stop and to keep writing! So, due to the popular response, i will carry on writing this fanfic.
I really hope you like this fanfic, I do actually enjoy writing it! However, due to GCSEs, holidays, other commitments etc, i will not be able to post the fanfic so frequently - so bare with me! I will post the link each time i’ve added a new chapter to my twitter (@FangirlMandem) and facebook pages (AidanFanBase) so keep a look out!
Thank you again for reading it! If you DO like my fanfic, let me know! Tweet me @FangirlMandem - i would love to hear from you!
Love Ellie Mae x
My phone makes a noise.
I lift up my head and take my phone. Aidan’s name flashing up brightly on the screen. I hold my breath slightly, hoping he has text me; telling me this is all a joke, that he’s waiting for me outside.
Hi Ellie, LA is really great. It’s really different from England, but I’m sure I’ll get used to it haha! I miss you! Hopefully you can visit us one day. Love Aidan. X
Love Aidan. X
Is that it?
I bit my lip to try and stop myself from crying. But it’s useless. I let out a long wail, tears drowning my face like never before.
I can’t do this anymore.
I throw on my baggy hoody and slip on my converse and walk out of the house into the cold autumn night.
I reach Lauren’s house and knock on her door, in desperate need for comfort.
I wrap my arms around myself tighter; it sure was a freezing cold night. I hadn’t thought what would happen after this. I figured it out in my head; knock on Lauren’s door, she’ll open it and invite me in for a cuppa tea; I’ll sleep on her sofa and spend a girly weekend with her. But what shall I do now?
I walk back down her drive way and look around the dead street.
That night, I walk right around the city. I spend most of my time thinking. Just thinking.
Finally, I made my way back home and shut myself back in my bedroom.
Everything seemed blank.
I pick up a piece of scrap paper and a pen and begin to write…
There! All of the boxes have finally been sorted! We’ve officially moved into our new house in LA, United States of America!
I’m happy. I am.
LA is a beautiful place! I love it here!
But y’know… I miss home so much already.
Ellie’s face when I said good bye.
It’s been 11 hours. Only 11 hours, and all I can think about is Ellie.
I pick up my mobile and type in her name.
I can’t do this any longer.
It’s been 10 hours since Aidan left the country and already I’ve been thinking the most awful thoughts.
I can’t do this.
There’s no one I can talk to.
I’m all alone.
I’m sat in my bedroom, knees pulled up against my chest.
I’m all alone.
** AIDAN’S P.O.V.**
“Please don’t go!” Ellie cried into my shoulder.
I held Ellie tighter in my arms.
“Ellie, I have no choice…” I whispered softly.
“You do Aidan! You do have a choice! Come and live with me if you want! Just please… Please, don’t leave me again.” Ellie looked up at me.
I sighed. She was making this so hard for me.
“Ellie, please…” I stroked her hair as she continued to cry into my shoulder.
I looked up to see my Mom standing with her arms folded, looking from me and Ellie to the clock. The tannoy annoyingly announced; “FLIGHT F3G098ALCD TO CALIFORNA, AMERICA IS NOW DEPARTING.”
I took a deep breath and embraced Ellie’s hug for the last few seconds before pulling away and looking deeply into her eyes.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.” She replied before kissing me softly one last time.
I smiled and kissed her forehead before waving goodbye and making my way onto the aeroplane.
It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to face. Ever.
Our final Good bye.
Today was the day. Stood in the airport, still dark outside, waiting for our flight to be called out. I looked around. Surrounded by my close family; Mom, Dad and Liam. I love them, I really do. But it doesn’t seem complete…without Ellie.
I wonder if she has read my note yet?
I sit, wondering until I get snapped out of my daydream by the loud tannoy announcing;
“FLIGHT F3G098ALCD TO CALIFORNA, AMERICA WILL NOW DEPART.”
This is it. I get up and follow my family towards the departure lounge.
I drag my feet, trying to leave as much time as possible in England as I was beginning to have second thoughts.
No, it’s final; I’m going to America. I have to. Think of my future.
I turn around to look out the window, to take one last look at England before I leave it forever. I bit my tongue to stop myself from crying, I can’t look like a pussy here.
“AIDAN!” A familiar voice called my name. I turned around, looking from where the voice was coming from.
“AIDAN!” there it was again.
Then I saw her.
Ellie came running through the corridor and flung her arms around my neck.
“I love you too.” She spoke softly and crushed her lips against mine.
And obviously I kissed her back.
My final goodbye.
It’s all my fault, I know it is.
Half way around the world, away from me.
His career is more important than me?
Yeah I suppose so.
I mean, it’s not as if we’re a couple anymore is it?
But it’s all my fault.
I look down at my chest to see the necklace Aidan gave me hanging there. I looked to my left to see a piece of note paper laid on my duvet. Aidan told me something before he left… I couldn’t quite hear him over the loud wails of my cries. What was it again? I sat and thought for a while.
“Don’t read this until I’ve gone.”
I looked around, checking that the coast was clear. He has gone for good.
I picked up the piece of paper and slowly unfolded it. A tear ran down my cheek as I read;
_‘This isn’t goodbye. Goodbye means leaving, and leaving means forgetting. Ellie, I will never forget you.
I love you.
I read the note again and again.
He loves me.
He doesn’t hate me.
He loves me.
And I love him.
I quickly slipped on my converse and ran out the door; I won’t let this be our final goodbye.
“AMERICA?!” Ellie’s mouth dropped open I shock. “America?!”
“Yes… America.” I repeated.
Ellie looked from me to the window in silence; I could see that it has upset her.
“Ellie I’m sorry but I agreed to it because of the whole split up and my career will be massive out there. Management told me I might even be able to get my own TV show over there! Imagine that Ellie, my own TV show. It’s what I’ve dreamt about all my life. This is a huge opportunity for me.”
Ellie remained still, fiddling with her finger nails in silence. A single tear rolled down her cheeks. I watched her as she looked up slowly and spoke.
“W, When do you leave..?” She whispered.
I took a deep breath.
“Early tomorrow morning.”
I watched as Ellie broke down in a flood of tears. She held her head in her hands and started to shake.
“Ellie, please don’t do this to me…” I held back the tears, as I slowly took out a small parcel from my pocket.
I removed the packaging and pulled out a dainty necklace with a flower - shaped locket. I placed the necklace around Ellie’s neck and fastened it. I tucked Ellie’s hair behind her ear and whispered;
“I’ll never forget you. Even if we aren’t together, even if we’re not friends, you’ll always be my favourite memory.” I placed a note on her bed in front of her where she was still crying her eyes out, “Don’t read this until I’ve gone… Goodbye Ellie.”
I stood up slowly and walked out of the door.
My final goodbye.